You know the song, you’ve heard it a million times. The 12 Days of Christmas is a holiday classic, but let’s face it, the lyrics are a bit strange when you really think about them. Have you ever wondered who would actually want all those birds, gold rings, and calling birds? This hilarious 12 Days of Christmas letter puts a modern spin on the strange gifts we’ve come to know and love. As you read through each day of increasingly absurd gifts, you’ll find yourself laughing at the sheer ridiculousness. From drummers drumming to swans a-swimming, this funny take on the 12 days of Christmas song is sure to become a new holiday favourite. So grab a mug of hot cocoa, get comfy on the couch and enjoy a few minutes of laughter with this amusing letter. The 12 Days of Christmas will never quite sound the same again!
The Hilarious First Day of Christmas
The first day of Christmas always brings the most laughs. Just imagine your true love showing up with a partridge in a pear tree. Where on earth did they find that?! And how are you supposed to care for it? Do partridges even eat pears? This unusual gift is sure to have you scratching your head.
- A partridge is a medium-sized game bird that eats seeds, berries and insects. It does not actually eat pears! Your true love was clearly confused on that one. These birds need a proper diet and large cage, so you’ll have your hands full right off the bat.
- Next up, two turtle doves. While potentially less messy than the partridge, dove droppings and spilled seed will quickly clutter your space. And their cooing will fill your home with a melodic but incessant soundtrack.
- Three French hens arrive, clucking and squawking to join the bird brigade. More food, more droppings and more noise. This is quickly becoming an aviary!
By day one’s end, between bird calls, feedings and cage cleaning, you’ll be exhausted. But the real madness has only just begun. Eleven more days of unusual gifts await! This funny first day of Christmas is sure to have you laughing each holiday season as you imagine the absurdity of it all. What a way to kick off the Christmas cheer!
Six Geese Terrorizing and Other Funny Gifts for Day Two
On the second day of Christmas, your true love gave to you…six geese terrorizing and five golden rings! While the rings are a classic gift, those six geese are going to make a mess of things.
Chasing and honking
Unless your true love also gave you a spacious farm, six geese unleashed in your living room are sure to create chaos. You’ll be chasing those silly birds around, trying to catch them before they knock over the tree or attack the cat. And the honking – there will be no peace with all that honking!
Messy presents
Geese poop almost constantly, so with six of them on the loose you’ll be dodging landmines left and right. You’ll be finding little “presents” in the carpet for weeks to come. And if they get into the kitchen, forget baking Christmas cookies this year – your kitchen will end up looking like a disaster zone.
An unforgettable gift
While six geese terrorizing your home may not seem like the most practical of gifts, you have to admit it would make for an unforgettable holiday season. You’ll be laughing about it for years to come…once you’ve managed to round them all up and give them back to your true love, that is! A gift that creates memories, even if slightly traumatic ones, is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
This funny take on the classic “Six Geese a Laying” is sure to have you giggling all the way through the twelve days of Christmas. But do be sure to keep those six geese out in the yard – no one wants their holiday home looking like a goose tornado blew through!
Calling in Sick for the 10 Lords a Leaping
Calling in sick for work is hard enough, but how do you call in sick when you’re supposed to be one of the 10 lords a leaping? This funny 12 days of Christmas letter has you covered.
Explain You’ve Come Down with a Case of “Lordingitis”
Tell your boss you seem to have come down with an unfortunate case of “lordingitis” and your leaping abilities have been compromised. Symptoms may include:
- Sore quadriceps and glutes from repetitive leaping
- Swollen ankles from awkward landings
- General malaise and lack of motivation to bound and prance
Unfortunately, the only cure is rest and relaxation. You hope to be back to your usual leaping self in time for the 11 pipers piping, but for now you’ll need to stay home and apply ice packs as needed.
Blame It on Your Outdated Tights
Explain that your tights have seen better days and you’re worried they won’t contain your assets during all that leaping and bounding. Tell your boss you need to call in to await a new pair of industrial strength tights that can handle the demands of the job. In the meantime, you’ll be on the couch pondering how piping and drumming are any less strenuous.
Say You’re Under the Weather
If all else fails, you can simply state that you’re feeling under the weather today and don’t think you can give the job the enthusiasm it deserves. You hope the other lords will leap double time to make up for your absence. With any luck, a day of rest will have you back leaping with renewed vigor for the 11 pipers piping tomorrow. After all, the 12 days of Christmas waits for no one!
12 Drummers Still Drumming Past Midnight?
The 12 drummers drumming are still going at it past midnight on the 12th day of Christmas? Even the most enthusiastic percussionists need to rest
their weary wrists at some point. Those drumsticks must be getting pretty tattered by now with all that incessant tapping and banging.
Hopefully, the drummers booked a soundproof studio for their marathon drum session, otherwise, the neighbors are likely plotting some not-so-merry revenge by now. Earplugs, noise-cancelling headphones and a couple of extra strength Tylenol would make great last-minute gift ideas for anyone within a 5-mile radius of these tireless drummers.
Maybe suggest they mix up their set list a little. Twelve straight hours of “Little Drummer Boy” might be a bit much, even for the percussion-obsessed. Some lighter fare like “Sing, Sing, Sing” or “Wipe Out” could break up the monotony. And for their big finale, how about “1812 Overture” complete with cannons and fireworks? Now that would be going out with a bang!
If the drummers are still pounding away into the wee hours of the 13th day of Christmas, someone should really check on them. Dehydration, fatigue and repetitive stress injuries are all very real concerns for these musical marathon men. A well-deserved round of applause, a post-performance massage and a bottle of ibuprofen are definitely in order to soothe those aching muscles and blistered hands.
Here’s hoping the 12 drummers drumming managed to drum up enough Christmas spirit and goodwill to finally call it a night and give everyone some well-deserved peace and quiet. The neighbors will surely sleep well tonight knowing the drumming is done!
A Funny 12 Days of Christmas Letter to Brighten Your Holidays
The holidays are a time for laughter and cheer, so here’s a funny 12 Days of Christmas letter to spread some joy:
Five Golden Rings
To my darling true love, on the fifth day of Christmas, I thought I’d give you something practical that would also make you smile – five golden onion rings! I know fried foods aren’t the healthiest, but ‘tis the season to indulge. Dip these crispy delights in your favorite sauce and enjoy. I hope they give you a chuckle and satisfy your craving for something salty and savoury. Only seven more days until I’m home for Christmas!
Six Geese a Laying
My dearest, on the sixth day of Christmas, six silly geese came waddling up to me, honking and flapping their wings. They seemed determined to help out with your gift in their own way. I told them we didn’t need any eggs at the moment but they insisted I include this note – the geese say you’re “egg-stra” special! I had to agree. Only six more days until I return home to you, my love. I’m “egged” on by your love and counting the moments until we’re together again!
Seven Swans a Swimming
To the light of my life, on the seventh day of Christmas, seven graceful swans glided across the pond to deliver this message: you are as elegant as a swan, as loyal as the seven swans that mate for life, and as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. The swans and I wanted you to know you are loved and cherished. Only five more days my darling, just five more days!
I hope this funny 12 Days of Christmas letter made you smile and brightened your day. The countdown is on – I’ll be home before you know it!
Love always,
